Veil of fog

Veil of fog

Fog.

Thick, real.

Joy and hope

play a game

of hide and seek

I did not ask

to participate in.

The future holds

question marks –

so many unknowns…

The fog

clouds vision,

tangles emotion,

and I just want to

hibernate.

The swath

of clouds hangs

over every area of life

and I wonder

if this veil will

lift and what life

will look like

when it does.

Where is the sun?

Has the fog

smothered hope?

I look down

to see there’s

a rope in my hand.

I am tethered.

I am not lost

to the fog.

I will cling

to what is

holding me.

 

#PermissionGranted

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See the miracles

See the miracles

The sun shines on my back

while the moon’s glow

lights up my face.

It is still daytime

but the moon

arrived early.

I love it when

the moon appears

in the sky at the same

time as the sun.

It’s two miracles at once.

The sun to grow life.

the moon to

light up the

darkness.

There is light

no matter which

way I am facing.

I am covered

no matter

which way I

orient myself.

I am surrounded by

care and provision

and I am

overwhelmed by love.

And this,

this is the

third miracle.

#PermissionGranted

It’s the same moon

It’s the same moon

The full moon was breath-taking last night when I saw it playing hide and seek behind some leafless trees.
It took my breath away because it was

so low,

so gigantic,

so faithful,

so unassuming.

Then, this morning it was low in the sky as I took my daughter to school. We embraced the moments we had with it and we kept looking for it as we made our way through the stoplights.

“There it is, again!”

“It’s like a sticker, it’s so perfect!”

And then it was quiet.

I am sitting at a traffic light.

Looking at the moon, trying not to feel.

I want to be present and not lean into

I am tired. I have questions. I am overwhelmed.

My girl doesn’t know all of these things.

And she doesn’t know how her shared excitement about the moon encouraged me to take a deep breath.

I am brought back to the present when I hear her sweet voice coming from the back of the car.

(She’s a singer, like her mama.)

She’s singing:

Away in a manger, no crib for his bed,

The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head;

The stars in the heavens looked down where he lay,

The little Lord Jesus, asleep on the hay.

The cattle are lowing; the poor baby wakes,

But little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes.

I love thee, Lord Jesus; look down from the sky

And stay by my cradle till morning is nigh.

Be near me, Lord Jesus; I ask thee to stay

Close by me forever, and love me, I pray.

Bless all the dear children in thy tender care,

And fit us for heaven to live with thee there.

And I look at the moon.

And I hear her song…

It’s the same moon.

The moon before me is the same moon that was in the sky at the birth of Jesus.

The same light was in the sky when he came so that we could stay close forever.

The tired, overwhelmed feelings I have are in part, a result of the pain that comes with stretching, with growth, and then partly due to being here on this earth with the wrongs that run rampant.

He’s fitting me for heaven – challenging the parts of me that need to change and he’s also placed within me a longing for his kingdom here on earth – I am reminded that he invites me to be a part of that work.

And again, I feel loved, seen, heard.

It’s the same moon

so low,

so gigantic,

so faithful,

so unassuming.

#PermissionGranted

A thrill of hope

A thrill of hope

A thrill of hope

caught me by surprise. 

I didn’t recognize it at first. 

It was a beautiful sunset, yes, 

but I’ve seen them before. 

But this one was

unrelenting,

full of  

saturated color 

in shades of 

ochre, 

violet, 

gold, 

magenta,

crimson. 

It cycled through colors

in time with breath.

Breath in. 

Breath out. 

A new shade. 

I couldn’t look away. 

And then at one point, 

I wouldn’t look away. 

I took a detour to get

more time with the colors. 

When I arrived home

I told the kids to run upstairs

to see the show in the sky.

It’s then I remember that 

my day started with 

a gorgeous sunrise.

And now the perfect bookend:

a sunset painted 

in the sky,

with liquid color.  

Visually astounding,

but also a cacophony

of 

hope. 

Color ushers in 

wonder.

Wonder

ushers 

in

hope.

You never let me forget. 

#PermissionGranted

 

 

 

The long night ahead.

The long night ahead.

She decides between coffee or 

a small supply of the kids’ favorite cereal. 

It’s one or the other on her budget. 

The cereal wins because it is 

about more than just cereal. 

It’s a reminder of 

normalcy.

It’s a reminder to the kids

that she remembers.

It is a small way to 

introduce a bit of joy 

and she will make whatever

sacrifice is necessary

to do just that.

She doesn’t have the 

time or energy 

to keep count –

but this is a regular thing for her.

Choices.

This or that.

She would love a cup of coffee

right now to get her through 

the long night ahead

as her second job begins.

She pushes back 

the fear,

the worry,

for if she allowed it

room it would run through her

spare energy resources

in 60 minutes flat.

And then,

where would she be?

A thought creeps in but she 

speaks to it and tells it 

to go away. 

She shakes her head to 

get free of it.

There’s no time to address

the gaping wounds in her heart

that bleed so easily. 

So she chases the 

memory away.

It is what it is.

Dreams are a luxury and 

her sleep,

her awake

her sorrow

her joy

her energy 

is for her boys. 

Her every minute is

meet the needs.

Her job is survival.

She sorts through

the bills in the mail

as she logs into the

customer service website.

An envelope that isn’t a bill

sorts itself from the stack.

She rips it open to 

discover a card,

and a gift card 

to her local

grocery store. 

There’s no name.

No one to thank

or feel indebted to. 

Just provision. 

A deep breath –

just what she needs. 

And maybe, just maybe, 

some coffee. 

#PermissionGranted

 

 

Are you in the midst of a long night? Reach out – you don’t have to do it alone. Allow others to help you take up your space – to be all that you can be.

Are you in a place where you can leverage where you are to make someone else’s burden lighter? Step into that. Do it for the right reasons and be an encouragement to others.

Show and tell

Show and tell

Please unpack your lunch. 

Put your shoes away. 

I love you. 

Please put your clothes in the dirty clothes hamper.

Use kind words. 

Your family matters most. 

Please tie your shoes. 

Don’t mess with your sister!

Leave your brother alone!

Jesus loves you more than I do. 

These are a sampling of the

reminders I say to my kids 

a few times a day,

okay, well, maybe more than a few – 

just depends on the day!

Can I be honest?

It can be frustrating 

to have to repeat 

myself over and over 

and I can’t help but think –

If they would just listen….

 

And yet – I am like them. 

I need daily reminders.

Your words matter. 

You have a purpose.

God loves you. 

You are enough –

but you can’t do it all.

You can rest in God’s provision. 

You can let that go. 

 

I forget.

I get distracted.

I get overwhelmed. 

I get focused on what 

I wish would change. 

I need the reminders

that come through 

a song, 

a flower, 

a leaf, 

a bird, 

a friend, 

scripture, 

my family.

I’m working hard to be

a better listener but 

keep the reminders coming. 

Show and tell me 

what I forget,

what doubt taints,

and lies discolor. 

I need the reminders

of what is true. 

#PermissionGranted