Sometimes I don’t know what you need.
And even if I did know
I am not sure that I could be it.
You are tall and long
with big emotions
and you have a lot of words.
You push my buttons.
And I suppose I probably push yours.
And there are times that I wish
I could snuggle you and make it all okay
like I did when you were so much smaller.
It is harder to know
how to make it okay
and sometimes there isn’t really
a way to even do that.
Sometimes my heart is overwhelmed
with my love for you and my frustration with you
and how I want to be able to help you
and still be what you need
every now and then.
And then tonight happened.
“Come and lay down with me, Mommy”.
And my heart, mind and mouth said,
You lifted your spiderman blanket
so I could snuggle into
the little furnace you created.
We talked a little bit about your
test tomorrow and
I prayed for you.
Then you rolled to your tummy,
flung your arm over my tummy
and laid your head on my chest.
And then you fell asleep.
And in that moment my heart
was reminded that sometimes
you need small things from me
my patient presence,
my tickle monster,
my silly jokes,
my dance with me,
my arms to hold you while you sleep.
Thanks, baby boy for the reminder
that while I can’t be everything
you need (and I shouldn’t be)
there are some instances
where I am enough.
Searching For Kindling
Name five small things that you do to love your children well. Think of some small moments with your kids that have filled your mama tank.