It was a tough battle just now, getting out of bed.
I won. Mostly. I gave away a few minutes.
I am here writing, bleary eyed, but I am in my chair at the computer.
It is amazing to me that I have to fight a battle to do something I want to do…
I want to grow but I am comfy right where I am.
I want to be strong and healthy.
But actually getting running clothes on and making it out the door is a feat of epic proportions.
I want to write and as I stumbled out of bed at 5:22 am I told myself that this is what writers do.
I desire to be a patient mom and I am learning s l o w l y that it is possible for me to actually be that.
Wanting something isn’t enough.
I like to think it is.
But it never is.
I saw a drawing yesterday by @bymariandrew that said that the difference between a non artist and and artist is this: non-artists say, “I could make that” and the artist makes it.
They go ahead and make it, do it, be it.
Ideas in action.
Paint to canvas.
Hands in clay.
Pen to paper.
Feet to pavement.
Holding my tongue.
There’s a huge leap there, a big difference between thinking, “I could do that”, and actually doing it.
For a long time I think I’ve been okay getting stuck between. Between “I could do that” and actually doing it. I’ve been lounging in the between. Comfortable, I suppose, but often frustrated.
I am not a terribly disciplined person (I am guessing you’ve figured that out).
We just aren’t two peas in a pod, discipline and I.
We are working on our relationship.
Discipline is remembering what you want.
This definition of discipline works for me (most of the time)
This isn’t about rules and structure and pain.
It is simply giving yourself permission to go after what you want and being willing to put into action what you actually want.
It is being kind to yourself to get up and out of between.
So when I am faced with the decision to sleep in or get up and write.
Remember what you want!
Running or sitting on Facebook.
Remember what you want!
Prayer time or not?
Remember what you want, woman!
Remembering what I want drags me out of the between.
Pursuing what I want to do, what I am called to do, what I am gifted to do is living a life of action.
Not: “I could do that”.
I’m a whole person, here on this side of between.
I am happier here.
Remember what you want.
