In the past, my tendency was to see an edge in the distance and to do a 180 degree turn in the opposite direction. It didn’t matter if going in the other direction was taking me away from where I was supposed to be – the edge is where I am weak, and so the best plan would be to walk away. This tactic only leaves me in mediocre, frustrated that I am where I’ve always been. I’ve discovered there is another way. What I need to do is that walk to the edge, name the gap and then determine the next brave steps necessary to get from where I am to where I am meant to be. The gap is simply an opportunity for growth. This tactic helps me get unstuck and puts me in motion – towards what I am meant for.
So, I thought it might be useful to
talk about identifying the edges.
So we can identify gaps.
So we can grow into our potential.
An Edge: On Repeat
A passionate chat with a friend.
A challenging conversation with
your significant other.
A monologue for your therapist.
The books we read,
the headlines that get our attention…
So often what we talk
about and what we read,
point to a growth opportunity.
“We’ve talked about this before!”
can also mean I’ve been stuck in
this same place for too long.
“Why am I drawn to the
same stories again and again?”
can indicate there’s more
to your own story that needs
to be explored.
What is it that connects them all?
What is the common factor?
What is the article pushing on?
What are the conversations
that seem to be on repeat?
What is the growth opportunity that is
consistently put before you?
Maybe the perspective
of people of color
and marginalized people
is something that keeps
coming up for you.
Lean in.
Or maybe the topic is your anger that
seems to be a steaming kettle
just on the edge of boiling.
Lean in.
Perhaps what seems to be on
repeat is the fractured relationship
you have with your mom
and how it impacts
your life today.
Lean in.
Take a step towards growth.
You have permission
to grow.
Acknowledge that there’s
room to change,
room to understand
and also realize
that you aren’t alone.
Others near you lean in
to growth,
lean into a shift
in perspective.
You’re in good company.
See the gaps before you
and step into them
on solid footing
knowing that
growing is
what you are meant to do.
What topic keeps coming up for you? What conversation is on repeat? Lean in and choose to grow. #PermissionGranted
This post is a continuation of this blog post about walking to the edges and naming the gaps in our lives. If you haven’t read it you might want to read it first and then come back to this post!
In the past, my tendency was to see an edge in the distance and to do a 180 degree turn in the opposite direction. It didn’t matter if going in the other direction was taking me away from where I was supposed to be – the edge is where I am weak, and so the best plan would be to walk away. This tactic only leaves me in mediocre, frustrated that I am where I’ve always been. I’ve discovered there is another way. What I need to do is that walk to the edge, name the gap and then determine the next brave steps necessary to get from where I am to where I am meant to be. The gap is simply an opportunity for growth. This tactic can help me get unstuck and put me in motion – towards what I am meant for.
So… I thought it might be useful to
talk about identifying the edges.
So we can identify gaps.
So we can grow into our potential.
Identify the Gaps
Here’s some examples of pain points:
the words said or left unsaid by a significant other,
the non-invite,
the moment where I freeze and panic because
I don’t know what is next or what to do next,
when a bias is revealed,
when you realize you were wrong.
When pain hits –
I retreat.
I go into hiding.
I am challenging myself
to sit on the edge and
see the gap for what it is.
Is this just a painful thing
and the best thing
I can do is walk away?
Or is this a growth opportunity
and the best thing to do
is to sit and be with the pain
and grasp what it is
I need to learn.
Here’s a recent pain point for me.
I’ve struggled more than
usual with loneliness.
Recently, a friend moved away
and I left a job and
started a new job where
there’s just one employee – me.
If I don’t feel like being alone,
I can go to a coffee shop to work
but unless I am planning
to meet someone there,
It will just be me, coffee
and likely, a chocolate croissant.
There’s no steady co-workers
in my line of work.
A couple of weeks ago
on a Sunday night
my husband took the kids
out to dinner so that
I could have some
time to myself.
As I drove to the store
to get fresh ground
Honey Roasted Peanut Butter*
a cloak of lonely settled over my heart.
It tried to take over.
It tried to keep me right where I was.
I could sense a heaviness and grief.
I decided not to hide from it
by filling the void with
turning on the radio, or scrolling
Facebook, Instagram,
or calling a friend.
I decided to sit with it.
This is a growth area for me.
I sat with the pain
and turned to the one who
made my heart.
“I am trying,” I said.
And he met me there in the pain.
When I left the store,
Honey Roasted Peanut Butter*
in hand, I was greeted with a
breath-taking sunset
and I couldn’t take
my eyes off of it –
somehow my heart felt it’s
joy and warmth.
The sunset was my companion
on the drive home.
My heart was still raw
but I sensed I was right
where I needed to be –
sitting on the edge,
ready to grow.
*It deserves the capitals. Trust me. As I wrote about it I had to step away and go get a spoonful.
Is there a pain point in your life right now? Is it one you need to step to the edge and see if it might be an opportunity for growth? Go ahead and sit for a bit with it. Permission Granted.
*This is a guest post by Erica Douglas. She is an encourager of girls and their dreams and for that reason alone she is one of my favorite people. Here is a taste of her work. Do you have a preteen, teen or do you know a coach that could be encouraged by Erica’s work? Please share this post and Erica’s website with them!
As a little girl, my heart’s desire was to be a cheerleader for my beloved Iowa State Cyclones. Rah Rah Rah!
As a tween, I shifted from the sidelines to center stage. I formed a music group with the neighbor girls. My new dream was to be a rockstar. A famous rockstar.
Today, at 35, both these dreams seem hysterically uncharacteristic. I have zero rhythm, I can’t carry a tune, and well, I’m a jock.
I also had a dream to be an Olympian. For me, that’s the dream that fueled me. Late night grueling practices. Magazine pictures of my idols plastering my bedroom walls. Breaking bones. Pulling muscles. Getting up after heartbreaking losses. No matter what, I was all in.
Alas, I never made the Olympics, but I did wear the uniform of my beloved Cyclones. The track uniform. And while it wasn’t exactly how I pictured, it became my broken dream come true.
So why do some dreams stick while others sink?
I think it happens in the transition.
The transition of growing up.
For the past twelve years, I’ve coached high school girls. Runners, like me. Girls in the peak of transition from girl to grown. And it seems to be here where little girl dreams grow up.
Where others appear better.
Are better.
Where no one cares, no one sees, no one notices anyway.
Where status solidifies.
Where future plans are constant conversations.
Where we forget what we wanted to be and fixate on who we ought to be instead.
And that is where so many of us sink. In the transition.
In the growing up.
Because now we don’t have time.
We work.
We schedule.
We make goals and lists and color coded calendars.
We get busy.
We get distracted.
We arrive at our current destination and suddenly realize we have no idea how we got here.
It’s time to start swimming back to the surface. It’s time to start dreaming again. It’s time to go ALL IN.
Dream. Enough with those little goals. Those tiny ones you know you’ll check off at the end of the week. No more “to dos.” Dream the big stuff. The fun stuff. The if-there-were-no-conditions stuff. Then spend some time there. What does that dream feel like? Taste like? Smell like? Take a picture of it and put it on your mirror. Drive there intentionally.
Turn off the noise. You don’t have to scroll through filtered friends. You don’t have to watch the news or the House Wives. So many people talk. Not enough people do. Be the doer.
Find Fear. Fear likes to hide. It’s when he’s hidden that he grows, that he keeps you distracted. Keeps you from getting up. Find Fear. Tell him you see him. And then tell him sorry. “I’m doing it anyway!”
I pray you find that little girl spot again. The spot where dreaming is like breathing.
I pray you find the dream that fuels you.
You are worthy of that dream.
Even if it is a broken dream come true.
Thanks for reading this guest post from Erica!
Take action: Where is your fear hiding? Seek him out and pull him out of the shadows – make him see the light of day. Tell him what’s what. Seriously, give him your best let-me-tell-you-who-is-in-charge speech. We have to speak truth louder to drown out fear. It’s okay – yell if you have to!
Erica Douglas founded She Plays in January 2017 because she wanted female athletes to see themselves as more than just a statistic, score or size. She enjoys spreading the message of confidence and self-worth through schools, churches and via her blog, www.sheplaysnow.com. You can find her on social media as @sheplaysnow. Aside from her professional duty as Coach, Erica spends the majority of her days as a taxi driver and human napkin for her four young children.
I think what it might be is that I have surrounded myself with
people who routinely step outside of the box.
Maybe, just maybe, some of their bravery
and gumption is rubbing off on this
timid spirit.
And guess what?
I am having fun.
It’s not near as bad as I thought it would be.
I think it’s also a lot about being comfortable
in your own skin and knowing that if you
step out and try something and
you really don’t like it…
You can say,
“I really don’t like this”.
And boom.
That’s it – you don’t ever have to go
dirt biking again
or eat calamari again.
There’s fun outside of the box,
it’s not all scary.
And I am The Queen of Tentative.
So if I am reveling in my travels
outside of the box then
you know it is safe to give it a go.
Now I know that there might be a time
when I step out of the box,
skin my knee
and limp for a week.
It’s possible and likely…
that my heart and my knees will need some bandaids.
But I jumped.
And jumping and needing
a bandaid or two
is better than not jumping.
Not surprisingly, I like the way that Brene Brown says this:
“I don’t leap or jump for the landing. I leap for the experience through the air because you cannot predict the landing. When you get to the place where standing on the edge is more painful than risking a failure – I think you owe it to yourself and the world to leap.”
I am trying to get better at enjoying the leap in the air.
I think the scary part of it all talks me into staying on the ledge.
If I can remind my heart to jump for the experience
and not the landing then perhaps
I can enjoy the hang time.
I believe it is worth giving it a go.
What is keeping you on the edge? What keeps you from leaping? Expectations? Commitments? Perfection? Let’s name it, step through it, work through it and leap despite it’s existence.
Listen to Season 1 Ep 12 of Magic Lessons at the link below.
